And that I kind of think he shouldn't have stayed married if he wanted to pursue polyamory, because of what it did to his wife? 2021 now (keep in mind weve known each other since we were 6, now 22) Stopped talking in 2019 cause I screwed a lot up being a bad friend (during the aftermath she was too. Despite their problems in their relationship, they were soul mates, and theyd never been able to find such a deep connection with anyone else since the break-up. So much was tied up inside because of a difficult home life, hadn't learned yet to really let all that flow out. Exes sometimes need years to process the breakup and find reasons to communicate. It could also just be curiosity which I understand to a certain extent I guess. When your ex girlfriend reaches out after a long time of no contact, the emotions come back, old passions flare, and your brain starts spinning around wondering what the heck you should do. Turns out she was in a 12 step program and got to the step where she was supposed to make up with those she'd done wrong in the past. But instead of telling yourself something like, My ex contacted me after 2 years and Im starting to think they have genuinely changed, try to take a minute to assess the whole situation. . Although you had problems when you were together, you always worked it out and were happy. You already have a family to take care of. Ex Reached Out After No Contact - Magnet of Success We invested a lot of time in one another so it's nice to learn how the other is turning out. I'm not mad that she reached out. Its not helpful, though, to go into any reconnection with too many expectations. So, we have jotted down these 8 points for you to ponder on before you decide to reply to that text. Now theyve matured, they realize how terrible of a partner they were and how their actions could have caused you to have trust issues. It is okay if he contacts you after so many years. I confirmed that I had actually found out I was pregnant with his child shortly after we broke up but I didnt abort it. A voice can calm us down and we can catch so much more meaning when listening to anothers inflection, tone, rate of speech that texts will never allow even with the latest set of emojis! I should mention that we both agreed it was for the best. On the other hand, if theyre calling because they want to get back together, youll need to think carefully about that. He thought were friends and the fact that he cheated on me was very conveniently swept under the rug. Discussions must remain civil at all times, and women must be allowed to dominate the discussion. This helps us in two different ways. What do you think? Yes, I reached out to my first love. If one of my exes reached out to me years after the break-up Id know that their personal lives have become a great disappointment and now theyre reevaluating what they foolishly threw away years before. My Ex Is Drinking/Partying After A Breakup, whether you think your ex can make a good friend, how much emotional progress youve made since the breakup, and how much respect you have for your ex, how your familys doing (not to be mistaken for an indirect approach to break the ice), how you perceive your ex and feel about him or her, Your ex could also be very direct and say . If your ex doesnt want to be your friend, for example, you obviously wont be able to be friends with your ex. They Want A Shoulder To Cry On My ex reached out to me about 15 years after we broke up. Years after that, I was going to be back in our old area again. My husband gave me the grace to get extremely needed closure with him. He also has a kid. We dont sign up for certain catastrophes in life. Your mental peace certainly comes before they rant to you about their workload and unmet marital fulfillment. Unfortunately, though, she didnt miss you long enough. That passed quickly anyway. Its . Ex trying to reach out several years after break up. How do I tell them He was enraged and hurt me by yelling at me in anger and with the things he'd said. This Is What You Should Do When Your Ex Reaches Out To You I just mean that we still had feelings for a long time.) | After a breakup, Bird said, some people just need "an emotional cutoff and want to remove all evidence of their ex from their life.". I help over 1 million men a year radically transform their lives for the better after being dumped. later: Unfortunately, the knowledge that youre there still pining away for them (whether your are or not) can be just the springboard that they need to feel good about themselves. One conversation leads to two, two leads to three, and before you know it, youre arranging to Netflix and chill.. TBO we didnt really even say good-bye was no real closure. But that alone wont help you gain closure. If your relationship went on for any significant period of time, it can be really easy to start fantasizing about how awesome dating is going to be once its over. I doubt that that's why he would reach out, he's the one who got apologies from me shortly after the breakup (which he did get shortly after, but probably not in the most though through way) thanks for sharing. It makes them feel so inadequate, they want to see if they can disrupt it. But other times, a conversation with your ex can also provide your ex with an opportunity to: When your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend contacts you years later, your ex finally gets over the anger, disgust, contempt, or suffocation caused by unhealthy perceptions and becomes okay with talking with you. They get curious or nostalgic, so they reach out via text, call, or social media. I dont think there is a deep hidden meaning here. I wished him well too. The best way to get to the bottom of this is to ask your ex some questions back. When you pass your due date - UF Health, University of Florida Health Perhaps they dont have the energy to get to know another person from scratch, to reach the level of ease and intimacy that you shared. It seems that her anxiety or whatever she felt disappeared when she started talking to you again. My ex owes me money which I want back, nearly $1000 dollars and I have been unable to collect since the pandemic began,I want my money and I am going to reach out for it. Maybe they want you to come to the hospital and say goodbye, or theyre calling to invite you to the funeral. Despite going on several dates after breaking up with their ex-partner, they never met anyone worth having a serious relationship with. You were important to each other once. I'll just say I've never seen it work out super well in real life (or, it's worked out but in a way where the ex wasn't actually needed for closure). Youll wonder if your ex wants to talk about random things or discuss something important. I hope his heart is at peace/ease despite things not going how he may have expected. Your ex has been in your life for five minutes now and it is not okay to have a lovey-dovey conversation with an ex when your partner is sitting next to you. Wish him good luck. When an ex contact you years after the breakup, your ex wants to get something from you. Ah, ex sex. In your mind, it's been a while since you broke up, and in the meantime, it feels like a lot of water has passed under the bridge. If the person ghosted you leaving you in dire need of closure, you might feel tempted to respond to their message. Wont hurt to text them back if alls forgiven and forgotten. Theres no doubt you had mind-blowing sex with your ex, but that was all there was to the relationship. Very small group of 3,500 so chance of me seeing a message from her I worked out was like 20 million to one. The following four steps can help you work through the process. The next weekend, the friend showed up again, and this time he brought my ex. You had strong feelings for your ex, things didnt end well, and you dont want them disrupting your life. They will be able to compare the different aspects of their life with and without your presence in it. Dont reconnect expecting the relationship to start back up at the depth it existed years ago. After 4 years, my ex reached out to me asking how I have been (The end of our relationship was somewhat mutual. If you catch yourself spiraling a little, it's OK.. If you were dumped and forced to go no contact with your ex, asking your ex this question is perfectly fine. And if you are in a serious relationship, it is always better to loop your partner in on the little developments on the ex-front. Instant replies hint at either interest or an unfulfilling life and even if both might be true, dont let your ex pick up on that. In such situations, it is important to understand that the ex is texting when the ex feels like it. But ultimately, she wanted me to know that she feels bad for how mean she was to me when we broke up. Thanks to you, I got myself together :)) Part of the need to re-connect is driven by the ambiguous threat of the pandemic and, practically speaking, part of it is likely due to the greater number of hours of alone time that we may feel the need to fillto get our minds off our own circumstances, in some cases, and focus on something more positive, or at least feel like were doing something to support someone else. Theres no generic advice on what to do when your ex contacts you after years. If youre longing to give a friend or an ex a call and you havent spoken to them in years, give it a try! You get to decide whether to forgive her and alleviate her guilty conscience. A part of me feels like I need to give him closure and I'm not sure how? And this epiphany has the power to escalate the steps of your ex coming back more rapidly than you thought. My breakup recovery method for men combines science, first-hand . Three words: Manage your expectations. If this companionship usually hurts you when they ghost you again, its better not to indulge in it. I'll respond when she texts but it's usually something really superficial and she doesn't make an effort to continue a conversation anymore. Should you reach out to an ex years later? - The Attraction Game How To Reach Out To An Ex-boyfriend Or Ex-girlfriend? I think it is best I keep my distance to avoid stirring the pot. Your mentality has changed, and things are not how they used to be. Ignore it. If you stay in no contact (and you should), youll recover in a matter of days (most likely). Tell them that your ex is trying to reach you. Just a comment on the "closure" part of Your post: no you don't. They're Looking For An Ego Boost Unfortunately, the knowledge that you're there still pining away for them (whether your are or not) can be just the springboard that they need to feel good about themselves. Why would an ex contact you years after the relationship ended? My ex contacted me after about 3 years of no contact. 5 Examples of How to Respond to an Ex After No Contact - Marriage How to Stop Being Angry at Your Ex | Psychology Today So if youre figuring out what to do if an ex contacts you after years, the first thing you should do is figure out how well you have healed., Talking about how texts from her ex ended up wreaking havoc in her life, Rebecca, a teacher from Michigan, shares, My ex got married but still contacts me and my current partner couldnt be angrier about it. But he wasn't thrilled about it, but we all agreed to never meet in person. So first things first, discern what your ex wants from you and secondly, what you can gain from your ex. The most harmless case might be that your ex-partner is just checking in on you to learn how you are doing in life. They are Feeling Lonely. Secondly, it also gives us evidence that . That something may not necessarily be what you may have been hoping for, but its something only you have. Want to know more? But for that to happen, your ex has to suffer and change his or her opinion of you. Founded in 2010, Thought Catalog is owned and operated by The Thought & Expression Company, Inc. For over a decade, we've been at the bleeding edge of media, pioneering an infrastructure for creatives to flourish both artistically and financially. Most adults in their 40s and up spent long hours on the telephone as teenagersthey were the way we deepened friendships, kindled romances, and were able to comfortably whisper our deepest secrets or express our angerwhen there was no other way to get close to the friend, romantic interest, or ex-romantic interest. Another reason why your ex contacts you suddenly after so long might be because they are struggling with their feelings alone. What is their intention? Minor inconveniences in their way or temptations to commit infidelity can drift two lovers apart in a jiffy. Exes reach out for a lot of reasons, and wanting a relationship again might be one of them. Whatever the bad news, your ex thought youd want to know about it. Why Did My Ex Unfriend Me But Not Block Me? Instead, it was their feelings about their ex and about the breakup that predicted contact: People were more likely to communicate with exes they still had feelings for. You live separate lives now and he needs to respect that. A year and a half is a long time to not speak to an ex. On a bitter note, they couldnt handle the happy, successful life you are leading. Its like comfort foodmac-and-cheese may not be haute cuisine and it may not reflect what our normal menu offers, but it brings back images of childhood and safety and security. What To Do When Your Ex Calls You Again After 5 Years They could have seen something on social media and became unable to stop thinking about you. They were also more likely . For many adults, that can fuel the attraction to Facebook friends from high school daysthey remind us of a time when we were more self-assured than we might be now, more carefree, and probably with a greater sense of agency in our lives. Before going down a path you have already been on, voice what you want from this renewed relationship be it any kind. My ex had these things to say to me after our relationship had ended over five years earlier. The most common reason your ex-girlfriend will reach out to ask how you are doing is to make sure you are doing okay because she still cares about you, and loves you as a person. Similar to blaming, Paul says anger is a sign that they have not moved on, which tracks with the grief stage of a breakup. But heres what you should consider doing when you discover that your ex: To conclude, here are 7 things to do when an ex contacts you years later. Here are five things to do when your ex reaches out after years. People are not static, and friendships that cant shift and grow as people do just cant endure. reg-o-matic 5 yr. ago After close to 20 years, my ex wife reached out to apologize. Do Exes Come Back Or Is It Just Wishful Thinking? - BetterHelp I'm glad we spoke, given how messily and immaturely things had ended. The ill-fated lets be friends cliche is still alive and well. Very random in his message he stated that it was crazy for reaching out and that Ive always been brought up in conversion by school mates and that hes sorry if he negatively impacted me and hes always wishing the best for me and hes never forgot me. Personally I've never reached out to an ex - but my abusive ex of 5 years reached out to me. Hanging Out With An Ex While In A Relationship. As mentioned, they may just be contacting you to see how you are. Your life will probably look a lot different now to when you were with your ex. Psychology Today 2023 Sussex Publishers, LLC, Psychology and the Mystery of the "Poisoned" Schoolgirls. It was like a weight lifted. You can do one of two things, listen to what your ex has to say, or ignore them. "Crossing the X Date would be unprecedented," Akabas said. Will things be better now? The best way to handle this is by understanding the fact that sometimes a text is just a text, says Jaseena. That is, why exactly exes pop up after a breakup in the first place? Any normal ex would respect the life youve built for yourself and keep it moving. After carefully analyzing every possibility, when you finally respond, it turns out all they wanted was the phone number of your dog groomer. I had an ex reaching out to me after 4 years, he left me for someone else but never owned up to it after the breakup, but I knew and so did many of our friends. Even me avoiding texting her, I feel all my time healing has gone to waste, I feel a little depressed again all just because shes back in my life and in my mind. later: 1. You might end up immediately assuming things like: Is this a new start to our relationship? Hi Zan, You have to be careful. They noticed your transition from sad to happy, and the expression of contentment on your face is threatening to them. Perhaps it was a two-week fling, a mutual breakup, or an old partner who ghosted you once and has resurfaced for closure. Strangely, I am going through health issues and was quite surprised about his message. So they pick up the phone, dial your number, and hope youre just as lonely as them and willing to have a conversation. Listen, the messages are very casual and kind of nice but I really don't feel like I have anything in common with this person, it would never occur to me to message him. Old Medication, New Use: Can Prazosin Curb Drinking? Always so grateful. Why Do Exes Contact You Out Of The Blue? 13 Reasons! I had my ex reached out after 2 years of no contact after cheating on me and treating me poorly during the relationship. I told him I am married now. The relationship might not be the most exciting in the world, but after several fiery encounters with people who dont accept them for who they are, they realize theyd rather be with someone they can be themselves around. You might know this from what you have heard from your mutual friends. The first time was about 6 months later. My ex contacted me after 18 months of no contact during lockdown. You gave her a chance and she blew it. It was important and felt good. In other cases, receiving a text from an ex can immediately bring up feelings of annoyance, dread or even fear particularly if the relationship was a toxic and unhappy one that you want distance from.