husband doesn t want to go on family vacationhusband doesn t want to go on family vacation

Because of that, my parents said I can bring a friend. It blows my mind that people see this as acceptable behaviour. Even with the additional information. You deserveit! FWIW, I am a married woman and had to travel to Vegas many times for work, and had to drive to dozens of locations the entire time. Its a lot different than when I first went in 1989, but even then it was quite suitable (ideal, actually) for a business conference. My ex boyfriend is telling lies about me to my family, especially to my That sounds more like a problem with the type of people your employer has hired, as opposed to being a problem with Vegas. I have been to Las Vegas many times over the years on business, including a few times when I was completely on my own without co-workers to hang with. Hes using the great, ambiguous They to give his personal feelings more weight. I always laugh about when I lived in the Bay Area and my mom would freak out anytime I mentioned doing something in Oaklandshe really could not understand how the city could possibly be different than the way it is portrayed in the media, and assumed I was walking into some drug/murder den on a frequent basis. You dont get PERMISSION, you agree that something is good, or you dont, but this bs about him letting you go on a work trip is just gross. Alison doesnt usually change letter writers words, so I think itll probably stand as is. But I do agree that its extremely possible the OPs husband is, consciously or unconsciously, skewing the results in his favor. So, yeah, count me as baffled by his OMG, VEGAS IS SIN attitude. Husband Doesn't Want to Come with the Family on Vacation. The timelines even fit perfectly. But to throw the baby out with the bath water is beyond ridiculous. Yes. Plan and reminisce together to create shared anticipation beforehand and shared . We stayed at the Excalibur (the kids LOVED staying in a castle, saw the jousting show, the MGM Lions, the aquarium at Mandalay Bay, and we also took them to play games at Circus Circus. Thats fine! The follow up is what took it from possible anxiety issue on overdrive to controlling husband for me. Those were a big hit. LWs spouse is overreacting for sure. We both very quickly realized its quite safe, and a really interesting place to be, in a good sense. Youd have to make an effort to get kidnapped, I think. Not for me. That I was RIGHT! I would bet money he didnt tell everyone else the same story he told me. husband doesn t want to go on family vacation. Based on the way anxiety distorts reality and actual risk, I could easily not allow my children to participate in things or have small measures of independence. Remember, what happens in Vegas stays on YouTube forever. < accurate. I know its easier to say Leave him! to someone else than it is to actually leave your spouse but please know that leaving him over this would not be an overreaction. Maybe there are some things about himself orhis relationship with you that need some work. Ha, my team at Exjob traveled all the time (consultants) and they said the only thing good about it was the FF miles and points. Oh sure, but thats why I specified business-class rooms, as in the 3.5 or 4-star Hilton/Hyatt/W Hotel, since those are the types of hotels that have attached conference/convention facilities and host large conferences. On the flip side however, I do know some couples who havent spent a night apart in 20+ years. On every occasion, he made rules like I could never go anywhere alone and I had to call him at a specific time every day. Clearly youve been abducted. And there usually are scenarios where getting permission is reasonable for a lot of people like if a spouse wanted to spend a lot of shared money or wanted to join a sports league that involved a big time commitment. The tipping point came when he suggested I find my boss a girlfriend you know, so Boss wouldnt be tempted to hit on me. I have a friend now who Ill maybe mention that he is going to a business thing and he will badger me where is he? And, in those cases both parties may need to adjust their behavior and / or way that they communicate. Either hes got anxiety driving him to act out this way, which can be addressed with talk therapy to learn new coping mechanisms (also, medication is an excellent tool that could help) or, he feels threatened by your success in business and is seeking to sabotage you to keep you in your place. Yeah, there are definitely shady parts of Vegas, in the same way are in almost every city. but it was the backbone of learning to manage anxiety. Just my two cents. This was pre cell phone so it meant finding payphones. There are lots of places in the country where the approach the OP describes is perfectly normal, and where its a lot harder work to find somebody who disagrees. Ive encouraged him to take trips on his own without me, especially when Im on travel. Usluge graevinskih radova niskogradnje. Im someone who immediately leaps to the Worst Possible Scenario thanks to my anxiety. However, the husband is being ridiculous. Roller coasters! I know this is a long-shot, but anyone else think theres a real chance that this is the employee from this thread: https://www.askamanager.org/2017/03/my-employee-is-refusing-to-travel-because-her-husband-said-she-cant.html? Yup, wholeheartedly agree. I can completely see how people who watched the sensational crime shows can imagine the world is terrifying, BUT its TV, *not* real life. If he was just bummed to be at home alone while shes gone, or something. Probably he is a reasonable person, perhaps he has an anxiety problem. That doesnt mean one party jeopardizes their job and career to make ridiculous accommodations, of course. I noticed that as well. Everything he is afraid of is very very unlikely to happen and no more likely to happen in Vegas than any other city. Ding ding ding! Thats a very important distinction to make, between thing in and not in the LWs control. If this is a regular occurrence, it could be indicative of a larger problem, such as marital strife. And AP, as your comment captures, and what Alisons advice does, is to put the LW in a position to find out which one it is. The irony is, for business trips, Vegas is essentially Disney. I spent a lot of the day just wandering around the strip). If your husband wont go to counseling, go alone. And when she called home she was mean to me and I noticed she fixed her hair differently and she looked very happy. He can see how boring Vegas really is. He thought I should take his moms feelings into consideration and realize that I wasnt just hurting him, but his family as well, and reconsider. And there is plenty to do besides gamble. As a side note to all of this, I watched the original CSI religiously for about 8 years, and had never been to Vegas (no easy opportunity and not really my thing). Hes been working through them and he was much better during my last work trip. I also have a lot of real/not real conversations in my own head. Im really not interested in goingI dont gamble, I dont care for tourist attractions, etc. At the end of the day, the big problem with his indifference is the burden it puts on you to be the functioning adult in the relationship. He is the one with the heavy lifting, though. I agree with Allison I think marriage counseling may be a good think to look into. (Im also not sure you can un-yoke controlling from its pejorative overtones, given that most of us have plenty of things wed require partners not do and we dont call ourselves controllingits always something somebody else does.). The memo was a few years old, and it had been issues shortly before an Uber retreat If Im not mistaken it was in Miami definitely in Florida. I currently live in a part of London that Ive heard described as a no-go area for those reasons. If you want to take PTO and extend your trip, please let me know and we can schedule your flights accordingly., Hehe even though were in DC, Xcorp still expects our employees to behave better than the politicians. Where I live, they would agree with the husbands position. She didnt ask permission to go on a business trip this week, because I understand that her work travel is non-negotiable. You should go to counseling, alone and together if hell go with you, because I cant tell if hes super anxious, or just super controlling. A Group Leader is a What to Expect community member who has been selected by our staff to help maintain a positive, supportive tone within a group. The only thing I dont like about this suggestion is the implication that OPs husband can supervise her to make sure shes not cheating. (And there is outside reinforcement for this my MIL things Im insane for letting my 10-year-old go to the bathroom, which I can see clearly from our restaurant table, alone.) He wasnt healthy for me. You can use this space to go into a little more detail about your company. My husband has been in counseling and on medication for his mental health. 2 junio, 2022; google load balancer path prefix rewrite; how much does it cost to join peninsula yacht club . Im glad you have found enough awareness around this issue to help you handle it. Mom freaked out, but fortunately for me, my Dad was there to help and reassure her AND wed had enough family counseling after my teenage years that I knew how to set boundaries. Hah. I gave the ring back soon after. We would stop when we needed gas or a bathroom break but usually wouldn't be stopped for more than 15 min or so. If possible, Id suggest both individual and joint counseling. Like, do you think he really did take an opinion poll? Hee! Ifthis isjust aone-time thing, and heusually shares himself freely with you, then itmay betime for him tolook atwhy hedidnt want you there inthe first place. Yes, its off the strip, but my room was GIGANTIC. You write that he is friendly but just doesn't like to socialize outside of the house. This gives me hope that one day Ill have that too! No constant phone calls/other distractions.) Yep, this was one of my thoughts this might be a seriously overactive anxiety problem at work. Try to stop expecting reasonable behaviour from your spouse when hes in this anxious state. Or the wife, for that matter. Ive been in enough therapy to know thats my brain lying to me, and my spouse and I work together to come up with coping strategies to help ward off these thoughts, but they are always there in the back of my mind. They just find more things to get worried about. Ive pretty much given up on trips for fun. I certainly didnt forget that, in case anybodys wondering. If I genuinely believed he was in danger, this would be insulting beyond words. And nobody is reasonably going to crazy drug orgies where they might be at risk, during a work event. I dont gamble but I love New Orleans it feels like an adults only carnival. Ill be finding myself an apartment when I get back from Vegas. So its not like its all new. Ive been to Vegas many, many times. He was jealous and controlling before we got engaged. And in small towns all over America people are being shot in churches, schools, shopping malls etc. Its adult Disneyland with spendy big-name restaurants, booze and slot machines, at this point. Interestingly, prostitution is a county-by-county decision in Nevada. Im reminded of when my flying phobia was at its worst, and I was going to take a flight on Friday the 13th. They may not all work for you, but I hope that at least some will be helpful. Ive been unattached most of my life, and am in a life partnership now. Never mind that this area was completely safe and middle-class; never mind that the apartment complex had 24-hour security; gated parking; never mind that this Mexican restaurant is not a whole in the wall, is regularly featured on Food Network, and is a regular spot for bringing out-of-town clients for virtually every company in our city. Its also fascinating, because it makes me wonder about his friends. Reading it again, its a bit confusing, but I still think the husbands friends arent agreeing with him. What level of dealing with him can you actually do during these three days AND be able to focus on your work stuff? with his friends, not you. Maybe LW could ask her own friends opinions, and LW, if you cant think of anyone to ask, is that because husband has systematically eliminated outside relationships? Well, this might seem like an obvious question, but have you told him that you need him to stop talking to you about this? :D. There is nothing unwholesome about Vegas and plenty of reputable companies send their employees there for conferences because the city is set up for it with numerous transportation, hotel and food options. Be ready to beg, borrow, steal to brainwash your partner to start traveling with you. Flights and hotels are cheap, because of the focus on tourists everything is really convenient for travelers, the food is good, there are great conference facilities. husband doesn t want to go on family vacation. I think that makes all the difference hereOP doesnt just have a grinding job. But we should really just be taking OPs word for it that the issue she outlined is the issue there is. Would he partake in an support of psychological therapy and consoling? Its one of my spa vacation destinations. My own partner has no issue with me going out of state for geek conventions a couple times a year, with people Ive known longer than him, sometimes sharing mixed-gender rooms. Also, they have very little money, so we are . My jaw literally dropped. It gives him something else to focus on, so he isnt sitting on the couch by himself, watching TV and brewing in anxiety. All the more reason to get out and build a life with someone who is your partner and not a leach who wants to cripple your independence and your career. Just the past 2 weeks Ive taken a 3-day hiking trip, completely alone, and also a trail running workshop weekend with a group of other runners. Maybe hes wrapping that insecurity in fears of what might happen so he doesnt have to address the real issue. Or that he heard more agreement than was really being given by his friends? That didnt make me feel better for the Letter Writer. Thats where domestic abuse resources and charts come in. If his problem is that his marriage doesnt look the way a marriage is supposed to look (and lets get real here we absolutely do NOT have enough information to be as sure as you are) then a good marriage counselor can help him to readjust his notions. We were in that stage of "dating" where we wanted to do everything together, only he didn't fly and didn't really enjoy travel. Me: What did you say? Marketing aside, Vegas is just a metropolitan center, and you dont look lose your morals the second you step off the plane. Ive stayed in beautiful NYC and D.C. hotels for less than $130 a night. Ive been to Vegas a couple of times and saw a ton of business conferences and expos going on. If its an issue that they dont trust OP, that probably needs counseling. Should I take him into account? Thats not how this works!! You can get really great meals there. Seriously, I grew up in Las Vegas. Sometimes walking away is the only thing you can do. I wonder if OPs husband has watched too much CSI? Instead, let yourself feel what youre feeling without judgment orshame. I wonder if one solution wouldnt just be to bring her husband WITH her (on her own expense and probably paying for their own room)? I got a sense of that with first part of the letter, but then the follow-up indicated he said his pals would not LET their spouses/sig others go well, thats a pretty bright red flag there. Him: Yeah, she does this every couple of months, and it never lasts. Since its also a town that does very well at marketing itself as a destination for conferences (their facilities and amenities are really good, and I imagine their pricing is great because of demand is high enough to keep them low) then it makes sense that your work is choosing it as a place to send the managers since it sounds like an out of town conference is generally a thing they need to do. My feeling is that hes coming up with post-facto, emotionally triggering justifications for something that has absolutely no basis in any rational apprehension of reality. let has no part of a marriage unless it deeply affects the partner and then people need to work on it together. What the hell kind of business is even done in Vegas! Yes. Expect it to hurt, though, and to feel guilty over it. Dont get hit by a car!! I go on frequent trips completely by myself, or with girlfriends, and he is not at all jealous/controlling (he doesnt love travel like I do which is why hes not going with, suits us fine). It would never occur to him to equate a dang business conference held anywhere outside of a strip club with sexual abandon. On which I shared my personal experience and directed to resources where these be explored further. Best of luck to you. You dont ever want to put yourself in a position of relaying solely on his for financial support because you then lose the ability to leave if you need to. We actually started in couples counseling and it was working through that process that convinced him to go to individual counseling and go on medication. Vegas flights and hotels are cheap compared to anywhere else with their size convention/conference space. Either hes being very careful who he asks so that hes only asking people who would agree with him, or hes converting noncommittal answers (e.g., Yeah, I can see that youre upset) into See? Ill wait. Sorry not sorry. Furthermore, Vegas ALSO markets itself as a family vacation and business conference destination. and my husbands main reaction has been I hope you have a great time, and Im glad you are not trying to get me to go too. OPs husbands friends would have a conniption if they heard about my situation! Its natural to want to care for your partner. If youre seeing these things and thinking anything like I cant say that, he would freak outmarriage counseling, please. Married people travel for work all the time, even to cities with a greater-than-their-fair-share amount of vices around, and they typically behave responsibly and stay faithful. That isnt what the follow-up says, it says they object that they would even let their significant others go. Its better than it has been at times, but it never quite goes away. That was one reason I had to STOP watching so much Law N Order / Criminal Minds / CSI / whatever. The letter writers last trip was in February and the manager from the other thread wrote to Alison in the beginning of March, which would be right after she got back from this Vegas trip and told her boss she would no longer travel. There are plenty of restaurants and even the pickiest co-workers can settle on a dinner location. And hiking! Rationalist who is deeply against living by social norms is a great big flashing warning sign that says DO NOT ASSOCIATE WITH THIS PERSON. People have stranger danger drilled into their heads, but woman are far more likely to be hurt/assaulted/murdered by a domestic partner or acquaintance. My knee-jerk reaction was to say, you dont dictate where I go, I was just out for a walk, for Chrissakes. We are driving 18 hours to get to my family reunion with our 2 year old and 3 month old (at the time). Then the next day drive another five hours and spend the night in a hotel then the final day if we drove five hours we would be at the beach. Is this a relationship problem that could be remedied with counseling? I have anxiety disorder and I do worry excessively (one time to the point of a panic attack) when my husband travels for work, but thats on me to manage. Why would you visit Vegas when you live in NOLA, unless it was for work. Youre going to DIE!. I think that marriage counseling is the right way to go. Absolutely OP should seek out couples counseling, but if the husbands concerns are a reflection or enhancement of their religion or culture, just be really careful in vetting the counselor/therapist they choose to work with. I go there once or twice a year for my relaxing vacation. The big difference is that OPs husband cant keep an eye on her when shes in Vegas. There are a lot of factors that go into deciding where to hold tradeshows and conferences, and none of them have to do with facilitating people being unfaithful to their spouses. I went to Vegas last year and didnt do anything Vegas-y, other than see one show. Unless OP has a history of partying hard and getting black-out drunk (which doesnt seem to be the case), I think theres little to worry about here. She is not the nicest mother in law, either. Stay at Luxor for dirt cheap, or Mandalay Bay for the pool. Couples counselling isnt about sharing blame as it is figuring out problems in the relationship and working together to find solutions. The way I see it, OP, assuming youre not a serial cheater who constantly engages in risky behaviors when your spouse is not standing over you, your husband is either really insecure about your marriage, or really anxious in general. Im going to a conference there in November for in-depth training on our electronic medical records system (not exactly a party subject! Haha! Instead, things got worse. Many of my colleagues bring their spouse on conferences as a mini vacay for the fun of exploring new cities. He got anxious when I went to San Diego only because it was near the Mexican border, but gee whiz. Honestly, things could happen anywhere, so his questioning that the trip is in Vegas sounds like a cover. Yup. We can take care of ourselves. Well the place was built by mobsters to skin the rubes in casinos . Its a big deal, but its not the end of the world for either of you. Couples counseling can be super helpful even if the source (so to speak) of the problem is one partner. If youre not going during SXSW or Austin City Limits, you can get hotel rooms consistently for less than $200 in Austin. You know you can go to Vegas and have fun and not be kidnapped or drugged. I remember being like, What would I even DO with all this space? ha! I think the intent is clear, though; its that the nameless sources would object to their spouses going. Connect with your family and friends, and even try tomake new friends. Ill take bizarrely leading questions for 600, Alex. Whether or not you go on the trip is secondary. What happens in Vegas was a successful ad campaign that ran its course a long time ago, not a requirement for how to treat the trip. Not like us isnt automatically the same thing as toxic.. I knew that Counsling was the best step but I needed professional advice to confirm my thoughts. Ive met plenty of kids who were never allowed to even play Go Fish because playing non-gambling card games could lead to gambling. I mean, it isnt like he is supporting them. For example, Fiance didnt want me to take night classes for my certification because the parking lot had a lot of trees and shrubs where predators could hideand there were a lot of guys taking these classes. It IS super pricey though!! Biking to work? I dont think that would help the situation, however. *Now having said all that, I 100% agree that the husband is over-reacting*. Im not even sure how I would react to that. Turned out my wife was in the backyard mowing but had taken a break before I drove up and my son was upstairs playing quietly on the computer. That is not rational and that is not how business or marriages work. There are several important issues to consider, however, when deciding if your husband should go on vacation with you. Im good at what I do and I dont want to be made to feel bad because of it. Conversely, if he came home with the same news, my response would be, Thats great! So I get the safety concern. And, damn, every time I hear about kidnapping, it seems to be in Ohio or Mississippi, not places considered hotbeds of crime in US pop culture. (And I love it when he goes on trips: he likes traveling.) Hyperbole and feigned hysteria are not the same thing. I have one. If his anxiety is more travel related than trust related, there may besome reasonable actions you can take together to smooth them out. Blergh. So, hell have to ban the East Coast, too. Your husband going on vacation without you is normal. And he, I think, talked that out with a therapist eventually. Caveat: I dont think scheduled calls ALONE will solve OPs issue. But please ask yourself if this is an isolated incident, or if there have been other times when your husband has expressed this kind of feeling when you go out with friends for dinner, is it less likely that youll be kidnapped somehow? This. Nikada / iStock. I would say that its not necessarily couples counseling that is needed, but that your spouse needs to talk with someone. Since I took the position five years ago, they have sent management on a three-day business trip each year. I dont think its either/or, necessarily. Though those are also the traditional bogeymen for women out on their own, as evidenced by the many people talking about their mothers fears. Yeah and Ill add that it makes the advice people are giving much less likely to be effective/heard/followed by the OP if people are attacking a man she presumably loves and finds reasonable outside of this situation. But VEGAS?! You sound like a real piece of work. Your husband is way overreacting and yall need to figure out why. She acted like she wasnt married. They might be mad that they're not invited . I belong to a profession that has an annual convention in Las Vegas.